Self-Awareness in Leadership

Why self-awareness comes before every other leadership skill

Every leadership skill is applied through you. You can learn a feedback model, but if you do not notice that you become impatient when someone pushes back, the model will not save the conversation. You can learn a decision framework, but if you do not see that you avoid decisions that might disappoint people, the framework will sit unused.

Self-awareness is what lets you notice the moment between what happens and how you respond. In that moment, you can choose. Without it, your habits choose for you.

Internal and external self-awareness are different skills

Many leaders have one side and not the other. Some are deeply reflective about their own values and feelings but have little idea how they come across. Others are acutely aware of their reputation but disconnected from what drives them.

Seniority tends to reduce self-awareness, not increase it

As leaders become more senior, honest feedback becomes harder to get. People are more careful about what they say to someone with power over their career. Leaders spend less time with peers who will challenge them and more time with people who agree. Success can also reinforce the belief that your approach is working, even where it is not.

This is why many senior leaders have blind spots that everyone around them can see. The guide on how to find your leadership blind spots looks at that problem in detail. A simple model for thinking about what you and others can and cannot see is the Johari window.

Six practices that build self-awareness

1. 01

   End each day with three questions

   What went well? Where did I react in a way I did not intend? What did I learn about myself? Five minutes is enough.

2. 02

   Ask for specific feedback

   General questions get general answers. Ask: 'What is one thing I should keep doing, and one thing I could do differently in meetings?' Thank the person, whatever they say.

3. 03

   Use a structured 360

   A well-run 360 review gives you a wider view of how different groups experience you, especially when interpreted with a coach rather than alone.

4. 04

   Track your triggers

   For two weeks, note situations where you reacted strongly: what happened, what you felt and what you did. Patterns appear quickly.

5. 05

   Clarify your values

   Knowing what you stand for helps you notice when your behaviour drifts from it. The personal values exercise is a practical place to start.

6. 06

   Watch the gap between intention and impact

   After an important conversation, ask yourself what you intended and then ask the other person what they took away. The gap is where learning sits.

Getting honest feedback in a hierarchical culture

In many Gulf organisations, respect for seniority makes upward feedback unusual. Team members may feel it would be disrespectful to tell a senior leader something unwelcome, and some may worry about the consequences. Leaders who want honest feedback have to work harder to get it.

A few approaches help. Ask privately rather than in groups. Ask for observations rather than judgements: 'What did you notice about how that meeting went?' Show visibly that you act on feedback, so people see it is safe. And use structured, confidential tools such as a 360 review, where people can speak more freely than face to face.

Signs a leader's self-awareness is low

• ✦Surprise at feedback. Being regularly shocked by how others see you suggests a gap in external awareness.
• ✦The same problem in every role. If similar conflicts follow you from team to team, the common factor deserves a look.
• ✦Blaming circumstances by default. Every setback has an external cause and none involves your own behaviour.
• ✦Unexplained reactions. You find yourself angry, defensive or withdrawn and cannot say why.
• ✦A quiet team. When people stop challenging you, it may be because they have learned it is not worth it.

Thought experiment: a family business CEO who believes the door is open

Imagine a CEO of a family-owned group who sincerely believes he has an open-door policy and welcomes challenge. In a confidential 360 review, his leadership team describe a different picture: he interrupts, reacts sharply to bad news, and decisions are made before meetings start.

His first reaction is disbelief. Working through the feedback, he begins to notice his own behaviour in real time: the sigh when a project is late, the way he finishes others' sentences. He shares what he has learned with his team, asks them to tell him when he does it, and changes how leadership meetings run.

This scenario is invented to illustrate the gap between intention and impact, not taken from any client.

Coaching as a mirror for self-awareness

A coach acts as a mirror: someone outside your organisation who has no stake in your decisions and can reflect back what they notice. In my coaching work, self-awareness is where we start, because without it the rest does not hold. It was also my own turning point: working with a coach early in my career showed me blind spots and triggers I had not seen.

360 feedback coaching is one structured way to build external self-awareness, combining confidential feedback from colleagues with coaching to make sense of it and act on it. For the internal side, the guide on managing emotional triggers at work offers practical steps.