Self-Sabotage Coaching
Self-sabotage coaching helps you catch the habitual patterns that undo your own best intentions at work, such as perfectionism, people-pleasing, overcontrol or avoiding hard conversations. As a certified Positive Intelligence® coach, I use the ten saboteurs framework to name each pattern, see what it costs you and your team, and build the habit of responding from a clearer, steadier place.
Self-sabotage rarely looks like sabotage. It looks like high standards, loyalty, responsibility or keeping the peace. That is exactly why it is so hard to spot in yourself, and why capable leaders can repeat the same pattern for years.
This page explains how I use the saboteurs framework in self-sabotage coaching, and what changes when you can name a pattern while it is happening.
Your saboteurs began as protectors
In the Positive Intelligence® framework, saboteurs are mental patterns that formed early in life to help you cope and succeed. Being agreeable, being in control or being flawless may have earned approval or kept you safe. You can read the framework’s own explanation on the Positive Intelligence website.
As a leader, the same patterns work against you. They distort how you see situations, drain your energy and affect the people around you. The goal of coaching is not to fight them, but to recognise them quickly and stop handing them the wheel.
The ten saboteurs as they appear at work
Most people have the Judge plus two or three accomplices that are especially strong. Here is how each can show up in a working week. The full descriptions are on what the 10 saboteurs are.
| Saboteur | Its core pattern | How it can look at work |
|---|---|---|
| Judge | Finding fault with yourself, others and circumstances | Harsh self-criticism after meetings; quick negative verdicts on colleagues |
| Stickler | Perfectionism and a need for order taken too far | Rewriting documents, slow sign-off, irritation at small errors |
| Pleaser | Seeking acceptance by helping, rescuing or flattering | Saying yes to everything, then resenting the workload |
| Hyper-Achiever | Self-worth tied to performance and achievement | Moving to the next target without pause; neglecting relationships |
| Victim | Focusing on painful feelings to gain attention or sympathy | Feeling unappreciated and withdrawing after setbacks |
| Hyper-Rational | Processing everything, including people, through logic alone | Dismissing feelings in the team; seeming cold or impatient |
| Hyper-Vigilant | Continuous worry about what could go wrong | Endless contingency plans; difficulty trusting others to deliver |
| Restless | Constant search for the next stimulating activity | Launching new initiatives before finishing the last ones |
| Controller | A strong need to take charge of situations and people | Micromanaging and struggling when others lead |
| Avoider | Steering away from difficult tasks and conflict | Postponing hard conversations and smoothing over real problems |
The Judge drives most self-sabotage
In the framework, the Judge is the master saboteur. It criticises you, criticises others and tells you that circumstances are worse than they are, and it tends to set the other saboteurs off.
At work, the Judge is the voice that replays a presentation for hours, finds the one weak point in an excellent result, and quietly decides that a team member cannot be trusted. Learning to hear it as a voice, rather than as the truth, is often the turning point. For practical steps, read how to quiet your inner critic.
We weaken saboteurs by noticing them, not by fighting them
Identify your main saboteurs
The free saboteur assessment on the Positive Intelligence website gives us a starting point, and we test it against what you see in your own behaviour.
Catch them in action
You start noticing the thoughts, feelings and body signals that tell you a saboteur is active, such as the tight jaw before you take over a task.
Name them
Simply saying “that is my Controller” creates distance between you and the pattern.
Shift your attention
A few seconds of focus on physical sensation interrupts the reaction and steadies you.
Choose a better response
From that calmer place, you ask what a wiser, more curious version of you would do next.
Seniority makes a saboteur’s reach bigger
A saboteur in a junior employee mostly affects their own work. In a senior leader it shapes a whole team. A Controller at the top produces a team that waits for instructions; an Avoider produces a team where problems go unspoken.
This is why self-sabotage coaching often improves team performance as well as personal wellbeing. Patterns such as perfectionism and people-pleasing have their own guides: how to stop perfectionism at work is a useful place to start.
A first session on self-sabotage
In our first session we look at one situation where you know you got in your own way: a decision delayed, a conversation avoided, a task you took back from someone else. We trace what you were thinking and feeling just before, and which saboteur fits.
You leave with one pattern to watch for and one short practice to use when it appears. I won’t judge your saboteurs; everyone has them. The aim is to recognise yours sooner.
Self-sabotage coaching is not therapy
Self-sabotage coaching is not therapy or medical treatment. It works with performance, thinking habits and behaviour at work.
If you are struggling with your mental health, including ongoing anxiety, low mood or exhaustion, please speak to a doctor or a licensed mental health professional. Coaching can sit alongside that care. For a structured route into this work, the Positive Intelligence Program with a coach runs over six weeks.
Frequently asked questions
My saboteur has helped me succeed. Why would I want to quiet it?
Many leaders credit their success to their Hyper-Achiever or Stickler. Usually the success came from your ability and effort, while the saboteur added stress and cost. Quieting it keeps the drive and reduces the damage.
Is self-sabotage the same as procrastination?
Procrastination is one form of it, often linked to the Avoider or the Stickler. Self-sabotage is broader and includes over-working, over-controlling and over-pleasing, which can look productive from the outside.
Do I need to join the six-week programme to do this work?
No. We can work on your saboteurs within one-to-one coaching at whatever pace suits you. The six-week programme is an option if you want structure and daily practice from the start.
Will my team notice a difference?
Often they notice before you do. When a leader’s Controller or Judge quietens, people tend to speak up more and take more ownership. We can look at how to involve your team in that change if you wish.
Can self-sabotage coaching be done in Arabic?
Yes. I coach in Arabic and English, in person in Manama or online. Naming a saboteur in the language you think in can make it easier to catch.
Related
What Are the 10 Saboteurs?
The 10 saboteurs in Positive Intelligence explained: the Judge and its nine accomplices, how each shows up in leaders, and how to weaken their hold.
How to Quiet Your Inner Critic
How to quiet your inner critic at work: notice the voice, name it, question it and redirect your attention, plus a five-minute daily routine for busy leaders.
Positive Intelligence Program With a Coach
Take the six-week Positive Intelligence Program with a certified coach: daily app practice plus coaching that applies it to your leadership. Free first call.
Limiting Beliefs Coaching
Limiting beliefs coaching for leaders held back by old rules about success, worth or risk: find the inherited belief, test it and act differently. Online too.
How to Stop Perfectionism at Work
How to stop perfectionism at work: define good enough per task, release work sooner, stop redoing your team's work and answer the voice that says not yet.
These patterns are not signs that you are failing. They are signs that you are growing.
Book a free 30-minute discovery call to start recognising the saboteurs in your leadership.