How to Handle Conflict Between Team Members

Decide whether the conflict needs your involvement

Not every disagreement is yours to fix. Adults who disagree about work and resolve it themselves are showing exactly the maturity you want. Stepping in too early can stop them from learning to handle it, while stepping in too late lets damage spread.

Listen to each person separately before bringing them together

A separate conversation with each person lets them speak freely and gives you both sides before you are in the room with both. Keep it short, private and neutral. Your aim is to understand, not to judge.

Useful questions include:

• ✦'What is happening between you and your colleague, from your point of view?'
• ✦'How is it affecting your work?'
• ✦'What do you think they would say if I asked them the same question?'
• ✦'What part, if any, do you think you play in it?'
• ✦'What would a good outcome look like for you?'

Run the joint conversation in five stages

Once you have heard both sides, bring them together within a few days. Book a private room and enough time, usually an hour.

1. 01

   Set the purpose and ground rules

   'The goal is to find a way of working together that works for both of you and for the team. Each of you will have time to speak without interruption, and we focus on behaviour, not character.'

2. 02

   Each person speaks, the other listens

   Ask each to describe the situation and its effect on them. Then ask the other person to summarise what they heard before responding.

3. 03

   Find the shared ground

   Name what they both want: the project delivered, the client kept, a team that works. Conflict usually narrows people's view to their differences.

4. 04

   Agree specific behaviours

   Move from complaints to requests. 'I need you to tell me before you change the client timeline' is something both can act on.

5. 05

   Set a follow-up date

   Agree to meet again in two to three weeks to review how it is going. Write down what each person committed to.

Separate task conflict from relationship conflict

Disagreement about the work itself, such as priorities, methods or decisions, can be healthy and often improves results. Conflict that has become personal, about respect, trust or perceived slights, rarely does. Part of your role is helping people see which one they are in.

Ask: 'Is this about what we should do, or about how you feel treated?' Often it started as one and became the other. If your team avoids useful disagreement altogether, that is a different problem, explored in healthy conflict in teams.

Missteps managers make when colleagues clash

• ✦Taking a side because you like one person more, or because they came to you first. The first story is not always the full story.
• ✦Telling them to just get along. It signals you do not want to deal with it, and the conflict goes underground.
• ✦Discussing it with other team members. Even well-meant comments spread quickly and harden positions.
• ✦Holding the joint meeting in public or over chat. These conversations need privacy and full attention.
• ✦Skipping the follow-up. Agreements made in the room fade within weeks without a review.

Example: two senior team members in a multicultural team

Imagine a hospitality group in the Gulf where a sales manager and an operations manager have clashed for months. The sales manager feels operations blocks every new client request. The operations manager feels sales promises things the hotel cannot deliver. Their teams have started to copy the tension.

In separate conversations, the general manager learns that each sees the other as dismissive. One prefers direct, quick exchanges; the other expects concerns to be raised privately and respectfully first. In the joint meeting, both describe the same failed client event from their side. They agree a weekly fifteen-minute call before any new commitment is confirmed, and that concerns are raised one to one before any group meeting. At the follow-up, both report the call is helping, though the relationship is still careful.

The hotel group and both managers are invented. What is common in real teams is that different communication styles sit underneath what looks like a clash of personalities.

Building your skill with team conflict

Many managers find conflict between others harder than conflict with themselves, because they feel responsible for both people and for the team. If you tend to avoid it, smooth it over or take it home with you, coaching can help you understand why and build a steadier approach.

Conflict management coaching works on exactly this. Underneath most team conflict is a question of whether people feel safe to speak honestly, so what psychological safety at work means is useful background, and active listening for leaders strengthens the skill the joint meeting depends on.