What Should I Talk About in Coaching?

Which topics tend to bring the most value?

The most valuable topics are ones where your own thinking or behaviour is part of the picture. Here are common areas and the kind of question a leader might bring to each.

What if you arrive with nothing to talk about?

Arriving with nothing is more common than people admit, and it often leads somewhere useful. A few prompts usually surface the real topic within minutes.

• ✦Which moment from the past fortnight do I keep replaying?
• ✦Who am I avoiding, and why?
• ✦What did I say yes to that I wish I had refused?
• ✦Where did I react in a way I did not like?
• ✦What went well that I have not stopped to understand?
• ✦What will I regret not having raised if this engagement ends next month?

Can you bring personal topics into executive coaching?

Yes, where they shape how you lead. Your family responsibilities, health habits, ambitions and values all affect your energy and decisions at work, so they belong in the conversation when you choose to bring them. Many leaders in the Gulf, for example, balance a demanding role with significant family commitments, and that balance is a fair coaching topic.

There is a boundary. Coaching is not therapy or medical treatment; it works with performance, thinking habits and behaviour. If you are struggling with your mental health, speak to a doctor or a licensed mental health professional. Coaching can sit alongside that care.

How do you turn a vague worry into a useful session?

You turn a vague worry into a useful session by narrowing it to one situation and one outcome. Five short questions do most of the work, and you can answer them in the first few minutes.

1. 01

   Name the situation

   Not "my team", but "Thursday's planning meeting, when nobody challenged the timeline".

2. 02

   Say what is at stake

   What happens if this does not change in the next three months?

3. 03

   Choose the session outcome

   By the end of today, what would make this hour worthwhile: a decision, a plan, a clearer view?

4. 04

   List what you have tried

   This avoids repeating ideas that have already failed.

5. 05

   Admit what you are avoiding

   The part you would rather not discuss is usually the part that matters.

What do leaders leave out that they should bring?

Leaders tend to leave out the things that feel unimpressive or uncomfortable. These are often where the real progress is.

• ✦Wins. Understanding why something went well is as useful as fixing what went badly.
• ✦Experiments that failed. A tried action that did not work is valuable information, not an embarrassment.
• ✦Feelings about the coaching itself. If a session felt off, saying so improves the next one.
• ✦Your own part in a conflict. It is tempting to bring the other person's behaviour; your response is the part you can change.

How can you prepare without overpreparing?

Ten minutes is enough. Note what happened with last session's experiment, the one topic you want to bring and the outcome you want from the hour. More than that can turn the session into a report rather than a conversation.

For your very first session, how to prepare for your first coaching session gives a fuller checklist, and the coaching goals worksheet helps you shape the bigger goals behind each topic. In my one-to-one executive coaching, you set the agenda each time; I won't tell you what to decide.